Matagal-tagal na rin akong allergic sa Valentine's Day. Me mga binubuhay kasi syang mahahapding alaala. Tungkol ke Oyo -- isang Ilakang nagbigay sa akin ng magkakasalungat na damdamin. Siya yata sa lahat, ang minahal ko ng todo. Kaya nagpakatanga ako ng maraming beses.
Dalawang araw, bago mag Valentine's Day, nahuli ko siyang me kasamang babae. Sumabog ang dibdib ko. Nagunaw ang mundo ko. Nagkulong, nagtago at umiwas ako sa kanya.
Pero sa mismong araw ng mga puso, dumating siya sa bahay. Nanunuyo. Nangangako. Di ko mapanindigan ang tampo.
Ang madamdaming sulat na ito naging bunga ...
Babes,
When I saw you yesterday, I wanted to cry. I couldn’t believe my eyes – couldn’t believe that you would show up. I know that my silence would get you worried, but I didn’t think that you’d care enough. Deep inside me I was hoping you’d fulfill your commitment to see me, but I was readying myself to the reality that it was too much to ask of you.
But you surprised me. Now I can’t help but be convinced that you do care for me, that you do love me.
I’m sorry for doubting you. But since Sunday, I’ve really been miserable. Much as I would like to rein myself from being carried away by jealousy, there was just no way I couldn’t. It really pained me to realize that you were with somebody else. I refrained from counting the hours, but they simply haunted me. Every minute you were with her was like a thorn piercing my wounded emotions.
I tried putting some sense to my feelings. I tried telling myself that it’s just supposed to be alright for a man like you to fall for the invitations of women. I tried convincing myself that I have no right to interfere in the affairs you decide to get into. I tell you, if it were the rational me I was talking to, I would surely have understood you.
But I was never rational since I loved you. My mind has always told me that it’s impossible for you to love me. But my heart sees you could. My mind tells me not to totally fall for you because it’s definite that I’ll just get hurt. But my heart takes your word that you are unlike most men, that you could see and feel love despite the physical barriers.
Many would say I’m a fool to insist that you could make me be a part of your life. But how am I supposed to appreciate the things that you did for me? How am I to weigh the happiness you’ve brought me? For sure, you wouldn’t have shown love if you think I’m not worth a spot in your heart.
That’s why you really can’t blame me for feeling so hurt. I was simply acting based on the foundations we’ve laid. You treated me like you loved me. I reacted to the recent events like I loved you.
I fear losing you, Babes. You have given me so much hope that there is indeed some future to this relationship. You already made a big impact into my life, that without you, my life would be void. You have cared for me in ways only a real lover is capable of giving.
I wish I could be more understanding of your needs, particularly those I could not provide for. But I’m really sorry I can’t. The pain of frustration simply kills me. I don’t understand such selfishness too, but that’s probably how any person who loves someone would feel given the situation.
Jealousy, I know, can blind a person. But it could also reveal just how much a person means. My deep pain shows my deep love for you.
Thank you for giving me this new hope for our love. Thanks for choosing to keep me. I know we’ll face many difficulties ahead, as you try to regain the strength and composure you once had. Babes, I swear I’ll be by your side in these trying times. I know that in the end, our love will see us through.
I love you.
Petra
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